Oz XVIII - Nothing but Noosa

I have had the best week of my travels up the East Coast. Noosa has just about everything you could want in a coastal town. The only thing that lets it down for people is that it is a place designed for more wealthy clientele than backpackers. Noosa is meant to have some of the best chefs in Australia and lots of expensive shops, like Calvin Klein and Hugo Boss. I was staying in Halse Lodge YHA right in the heart of Noosa Heads. It is a beautiful 19th century wooden building, with big verandas and plenty of space to relax. The beach is only a couple of minutes away, so you can swim or surf without breaking a sweat. There is a national park extending round the headland with spectacular views. The Noosa River extends inland and there are Pelicans all the way along it.

The people tend to make a place and I was lucky enough to get in with a great group of people when I arrived. I was sitting on the veranda and recognised a girl from Lennox Heads, we started having a chat, then a random guy joined us, then a guy from my dorm and then another random guy joined us. The makeup of the group changed over the week but whoever joined we all seemed to instantly get on and the banter was great.

I had a couple of surf lessons while I was in Noosa. Conditions were much calmer than at Byron and I did a better job. The guys at Merrick's Surf School are a great bunch and excellent instructors. I instantly became Steve-o or Pommie Barsted or the Greatest Surfer from Essex. On the second lesson there was a storm moving across Noosa and out in the bay were Water Spouts (mini Tornadoes). In the afternoon they had a deal where Kayak hire was included with the surf lesson in the morning. The first time I did this I was in a group with others from the surf lesson. It was a beautiful day and we paddled without a care in the world. On the second occasion I was on my own. I saw some stingrays in the river and was paddling along happily enough. It then started to pour, which then turned into a tropical monsoon. This was fine as I was already pretty wet. However, I could then hear thunder claps and see lightening flashes. I was sitting in a river, in a plastic tub filled with water, dripping wet, holding a metal pole. All I needed to do to be more conductive was fly a kite. The banks of the river were lined with trees so I couldn't get out of the water. I decided to sit under a bridge for a while and then paddle for home. It is probably best to check the weather forecast in future.

One of my mates from the hostel, Andy, is an English guy who has been surfing for years. He hired a camper van in Australia and has been surfing along the East Coast. After my first surf lesson in Noosa he said I could come out with him and some Swedish guys to spend the day surfing. I had only had 2 lessons and still didn't really know what I was doing. I hired a board from the hostel and went out into the sea. Andy was complaining that the surf was too small, it seemed to be pretty big when I was out there. It is much easier to learn to surf with an instructor telling you what to do and putting you on to waves. I spent the morning paddling around getting tired and not catching any waves. I moved into the whitewater and got a bit better luck. In the afternoon Andy helped me catch some waves. In the surf lessons they generally don't take you out beyond the waves. With Andy I paddled out beyond the waves and then sat on the surfboard enjoying the view, wondering if Jaws was going for a morning swim below me. Andy then held on to my board and told me when to paddle. The waves were getting pretty big by this stage, by my standards at least. I was in position and he said paddle then told me to stop, it was a huge wave, a woman on a surfboard nearby commented, "I was wondering whether you going to let him drown." After that he got me on to 5 or 6 waves and I got better on each wave. It was hardwork paddling out back through the waves. It is quite something to paddle through one wave to be confronted with another wave towering over you. I then spent another hour on my own and caught a couple of waves aswell as some bruises. I did manage to catch one wave properly and standup, and was pretty pleased with myself. I was going to leave it at that and then thought I could catch another wave. Schoolboy error. I went out again and when I tried to catch another wave, I got absolutely pummelled in the surf. All good fun.

Oz XVII - Leaving Bris Vegas

The guidebooks rave about how friendly and relaxed people in Brisbane are. It is true apart from if you are standup comic doing new act gigs on the Sit Down Comedy Club Nursery circuit. My first gig was in Kedron. It was a decent space and a big crowd. Unfortunately there were a group of lager swilling, middle-aged lawn bowlers, who had decided to get wasted and weren't interested in the comedy. There were alot of them and they dominated the room. They were also vocal in their disinterest in the comedy. Somewhat ironically the most obnoxious and loud members of the group were policemen. I was on in the second half and I didn't grab their attention so they just talked amongst themselves. To be fair every act struggled, and those that tried to take them on came across poorly. The MC was the only guy who managed to do a decent job and I think that was partly down to him looking like an Aussie bloke. My second gig was in New Farm. I was on first and seemed to make as much impression on the audience as someone farting. Noticeable, somewhat worth a chuckle, but not important. I did make a bit of a foolish choice in my intro by deciding to rant about the rudeness of staff at Queensland Rail, possibly not the best thing for an outsider to do. The frustrating thing with both gigs is that with the audience not interested and not reacting your routine comes across as over-rehearsed and tired. Whereas infront of a crowd who are hanging off your every word it appears that you are a great improviser making it up as you go along. It was worth doing the gigs to get more experience under the belt, but that doesn't stop it from being irritating.

Brisbane is a great city. The central business district has all the flashiness of Sydney & Melbourne but is much smaller. There are lots of cafes and green spaces with the river following the southern edge of the city centre. There are lots of things to do and see. I prefered Brisbane to Melbourne, which is a controversial opinion to hold. I stayed in Banana Benders backpackers, not a gay nightclub, though it is packed with Germans (apparently it features on a German backpacking website). Next door to the hostel is a Gentlemens Club, Bad Girls, and next door to that is a born again Christian centre, 'Christ is coming to reign over us'. I would like to know who in the council decided that putting these 3 establishments next to each other would be a good idea. I watched the FA Cup Final in the hostel, which was a bit strange. I didn't realise how much Germans enjoy England getting knocked out of football competitions. I thought the rivalry was more on our side, but apparently not. The girls from Byron persuaded me to go with them to the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary. It was much better than I expected. There were a ridiculous number of Koalas, so much so that after a couple of hours the girls were no longer that impressed by them. I also saw Koalas walking around and jumping (I didn't realise that they could). They have a Kangaroo enclosure where you can walk among them and feed them. They are just like dogs and completely indifferent to people. It was amazing to see Joeys', hiding in Mum's pouch. They also fed Rainbow Lorikeet Parrots which was amazing. You see them along the coast but to get that close to them was brilliant.

Oz XVI - Byron Bay

Byron Bay is beautiful. I spent a week there staying in, the uniquely Byron, Arts Factory Lodge. Byron is packed to the rafters with backpackers. A contrast to all the places I had stopped in on my way up from Sydney. The beaches are stunning, if you sit on Main Beach to your right is Cape Byron with the Lighthouse and to your left mountains extend into the distance. The Arts Factory Lodge is a huge bohemian backpackers resort. You can stay in a double decker bus, a tipi, camp or in a dorm. The dorms are centred round a pool surrounded by huge palms. It is dirty and overcrowded but has atmosphere and character. I did my standup gig there on my first night and there are lots of other things going on during the week. They have a resident Aussie Legend, Cockatoo Paul. He does a buchtucker walk where you suck the nectar out of flowers and make wristbands out of leaves. He does a show in the evening, playing 7 instruments at the same time. There is a pub, cafe, day spa and cinema on site.

Byron feels alot like Queenstown. Its the backpacker capital and not a big place. So whenever you wander around you bump into people you have met from further down the coast. Everyone goes out to the nightclub Cheeky Monkeys which has various lurid shows on during the week. There isn't a dancefloor in the club, just tables for you to dance on. The challenge seems to be avoiding the drunk guys stumbling off the tables left right and centre.

I ended up hanging out with Dorm 11 (Dorm Heaven). We all went are separate ways, apart from 4 of us who headed on to Surfers Paradise. Surfers is a huge contrast to Byron. When you drive up the coast you can see the silouhette of the skyscrapers on the horizon. They are all hotels or apartment towers. It feels like you have been transported into another country, you could be in the Algarve or the Costa del Sol. It isn't really Australia. Hopefully Bryon manages to keep some of its small town character and doesn't turn into Surfers. We only stayed 2 nights. We went to Wet n' Wild waterpark and found a multitude of ways to get wet and wild. The girls were distinctly unimpressed by the fear factor on alot of the slides, but I thought they were pretty good. There was one called the Tornado where two of you would sit either side of a rubber ring, you would go round the corner then suddenly drop go flying up the other side and then drop again, repeating back and forth until you stopped. We stayed in Sleeping Inn Surfers which is a nice hostel with great staff. However, for each room of 8 there is 1 bathroom and 1 kitchen, so when everyone decides to cook or have a wash it is packed.

Oz XV - Lucky Git

You know those people who are funny and intelligent and win things, well I'm one of those people! I make this statement with tongue firmly in cheek but the facts speak for themselves. I arrived at the Arts Factory Lodge hostel in Byron and saw on the noticeboard 'Talent Show'. I haven't entered a talent show since Primary School, so I jumped at the opportunity to do a 5 minute stand-up set. The other acts on the bill were all musical. Luckily the guy running night, Cockatoo Paul (legend), had the sense to put me on halfway through and the sense not to introduce me as a standup. 30 seconds into the set my decision to participate didn't seem the best idea. It was 150+ crowd of backpackers, many of whom were drunk, they hadn't paid to watch and as such didn't care too much, plus they had been talking amongst themselves during the music acts. Their inclination to watch a random bloke do standup wasn't high. I was getting heckled left right and centre and was dealing with them pretty well. I got through to my first punchline, everyone laughed, and I had their whole attention. The gig went extremely well and I strolled off stage very pleased with myself. I even won a prize, a free trip to Nimbin on Jim's Alternative Tour. Doing the gig has given me a very minor case of celebrity within the hostel. It has mainly involved drunk people coming up to me at random times commenting on how what I talked about during my set has happened to them. My luck continued to the next night for a trivia quiz. On my team was a Dutch guy, two Canadian girls, and an English girl. We won the contest, each getting $30 in cash and other prizes. I got a free surf lesson. They say luck comes in three's so I am waiting for my third piece of good fortune.

I had my surf lesson yesterday. It was great fun and brilliant to be able to stand up on the board. To suggest that I looked graceful and cool would not be accurate. I am amazed surfers can look cool. We went out and learnt the steps we had to do on the beach. There are four steps, knee, front foot across, back foot up, and push up to stand. We then went out into the surf. Apparently the conditions were really tough, there was a big swell and the current was dragging across the beach. We waded through the surf, falling into pot holes as we went, trying to avoid the waves as they came crashing in, whilst making sure to hold on to the board. We then got to the instructor, Danny, who held the board in position while we clambered on to the board and then released us when a wave came in. It was hard work. I looked like a cat in a washing machine, with snot hanging off my face and a bleeding foot. I was able to stand up on the board early on and then tumbled. About an hour into the lesson my strength was waning and Danny commented on this. He seemed to find my attempts funny. I was struggling to get on to the board let alone the four steps. I got knocked off pretty much immediately after he let go quite a few times at this stage. There was another instructor in the water with us taking photos and offering advice. He said that I should remember the four steps, to look up, and move my feet. I had the best of intentions to achieve all of these goals, but they weren't coming together. We got out of the water and had a rest then went back in. I ran in a couple of good waves, especially the last one. I don't think Kelly Slater needs to be looking over his shoulder.

I went on my tour to Nimbin the other day. Nimbin is famous for allowing Cannabis to be smoked legally. The police turn a blind eye for some reason and have done since the 1970s. I'm not one for drugs and neither were the English couple I was doing the tour with. However, I didn't feel out of place on the tour. Jim is a nice guy and runs a good tour. Nimbin is a weird place, which I'm glad I didn't decide to stay in. It is worth seeing but is a bit of a freak show. There are dealers everywhere. In the museum dealers seem to come out of nowhere. From Nimbin we went to Paul's place, an American who bought land near Nimbin and has hand planted it since. He is a real hippy and the walk through his grounds is peculiar to say the least.

Oz XIV - Pastures New

I am slowly but surely making my way up the East Coast. I have taken about 2 weeks to get to the mythical backpacker town of Byron Bay (more to come on that at a later date). A lot of people will leave Sydney and go straight to Byron or have one stop enroute. I have enjoyed not being tied to a schedule. I am travelling with Greyhound and have a pass that takes me to Cairns. I can get off at any stops on the way and it is a good way to meet other backpackers. Most people on the East Coast will stick to the towns that Greyhound drops them off in. I've gone to a little bit more effort and got local buses and hostels to come and pick me up to take me to some places a bit off the typical trip. I've only had one problem to date with Greyhound. To guarantee a seat on a particular service you have to call 24 hours beforehand, otherwise if there is space on the coach you can get on. I arrived at Newcastle to catch the coach to Port Macquarie and the Greyhound driver was yelling at a group of 4 guys and a girl for not pre-booking their trip. He was behaving completely irrationally and phoned the Greyhound centre where they told him to let us on the coach. After this initial reaction he was then sweet as pie with us. On my next trip from Port Macquarie to Urunga he was the driver again and remembered me. I had pre-booked this time and he was happy as larry, chatting away with everyone and cracking jokes.

My first stop from Sydney was Port Stephens. Port Stephens isn't actually a place but is a name for the body of the water. It took me a while to discover this as I couldn't find Port Stephens in the guide book. I stayed at the Samurai Beach Backpackers, which isn't actually near a beach but is in the middle of a forest. It is a very nice hostel with cabins amongst the forest and an outdoor kitchen in the middle. The staff were really helpful and friendly. I hired bikes with a group of Swiss guys and cycled around the area. We went on a dolphin watching tour for only $15. My only complaint with the hostel was that when we decided to hire the bikes the hostel staff encouraged us to hire the new $15 for the day bikes. However, I found with mine that the saddle kept coming loose and moving around so you couldn't sit on it properly and one of the peddles broke off. When we got back to the hostel the staff said that they had had nothing but problems with the new bikes and that they were poorly made, which begs the question why they encouraged us to hire them in the first place.

From Port Stephens I headed on to Port Macquarie. I stayed in Oozie Poozie backpackers, possibly the nicest hostel I have stayed in on my travels. It is about a 5 minute walk out of town, the facilities are good and clean though not brand new, and the staff are good but not particularly friendly. However, what set it apart for me was that it was quite a small hostel with a common area in the middle. It made it very easy to meet people and because there weren't many people staying there you got to know everyone really quickly. Port Macquarie is on the coast with a river running through it. There are several beaches stretching down the coast and the town centre has had a bit of money spent on it. There are a couple of tourist attractions with a Koala Hospital and a coastal rainforest centre. They also have a reserve of local flora and fauna which you can wander through with a colony of Flying Foxes. There was a German guy staying at the hostel, who on his first day in Port Macquarie decided to do some cliff diving. He saw some Australian guys and climbed up, without checking the water below, he jumped off and the next thing he remembered was waking up on the beach with paramedics around him. He thought he was back in Germany. He even got a mention in the local paper.

After Port Macquarie I headed up to Bellingen in the hills near the Dorrigo National Park Rainforest. It is a very beautiful area. The hostel is considered to be the 'most pleasant YHA in Australia' (Rough Guide). From the veranda you have views stretching across the valley to rainforest covered hills in the distance. Bellingen is a pretty little place with historic buildings preserved. I spent a couple of days there relaxing and had a dorm room to myself. On my last day I went hiking up in the Dorrigo Rainforest for the day. It is a really pretty area and woth a stop-over if you have the time.

My next stop was Coffs Harbour. I stayed in the Aussitel backpackers. The hostel feels a bit dated and in need of repair but the facilities are clean. The staff were friendly and organised things for people to do. There were a nice crowd of people there so I ended up staying for a few days. It is a bit of a party hostel, especially on 'Punch night'. Punch night involves drinking Goon laced with some spirit, usually vodka. Goon is cheap boxed wine that seems to be as much part of the backpacker East Coast experience as the beaches. Coffs is strange in that there are two town centres. One is next to the beach and the other is further inland. There is a coastal estuary lined with Mango trees leading to the botanical gardens. I spent most of my time relaxing on the beach and swimming off of Jetty beach.

From Coffs Harbour I went to Lennox Heads a small town on the beach about half an hour south of Byron Bay. It is a very pretty little place with a seven mile beach stretching into the distance. I stayed in the YHA in town which is a small hostel with a nice atmosphere. Close to the hostel is a lake stained by tea tree leaves. I had a swim in it and while refreshing I can't say it had any medicinal effect.