Oz IX - Adelaide, Great Ocean Road, Grand Prix

I had a superb last week travelling from Adelaide to Melbourne, via the Grampians and the Great Ocean Road. Adelaide is a peculiar place, I was there for 2 days and I wouldn't encourage anyone to stay any longer. It is nice enough but a bit pointless. There are some old buildings but these are spoilt by more modern architecture. I have never seen so many multi-storey car parks in the centre of a city. The PR people for Adelaide recognised the problem with selling the city the slogan on the billboards around town is, "Adelaide: You are here." Factually correct but not inspiring. There are some nice parts to town, the Botanical Gardens are pretty, the seaside resort of Glenelg at the end of the tram line is cool, the Adelaide Cricket Oval is picturesque, the bars and restaurants seemed pretty lively. I was lucky to be in town during the Fringe Festival. I randomly bumped into a guy I knew from the Court Jesters in Christchurch. He is an international busking artist. I also stumbled upon the woman who runs So You Think You're Funny in the UK and organises gigs in London.

I then did a 3 day tour from Adelaide to Melbourne with Groovy Grapes. It was excellent. There were 20 of us on the trip and it was a United Nations group. Girls from Switzerland, a guy from Israel, some French-Canadians, a normal Canadian, a Dane, a German, a Japanese girl and Irish and English. The first day was a 12 hour slog from Adelaide to the Grampians. It wasn't a particularly exciting drive. We had a couple of stops but nothing outstanding. However, the Grampians are outstanding. We got there in the late afternoon and I was amazed. I had not heard of them before going on the trip and they are quite magnificent. They are reminiscent of the Blue Mountains but with a character of their own. We stayed in the heart of the Grampians at Halls Gap. In the morning we did a hike up into the hills and were confronted with wild Kangaroos hoping through the morning mist. Next stop was the Great Ocean Road. It is far prettier than I imagined. We travelled the first section up to Port Campbell with towering lumps of rock dotting the coastline. The hostel in Port Campbell was right on the bay. We went to watch the sunset over the 12 Apostles, which was atmospheric even with the large crowds. The next day was a Helicopter ride over the 12 Apostles. The weather was again perfect and the view was sublime. We then drove the rest of the way along the Great Ocean Road. It goes into a rainforest section and the road winds along the waters edge on the hillside.

In Melbourne I was staying with Team Ireland, girls from the Kiwi trip. They have a flat in the heart of St Kilda. St Kilda is a pretty little place, the beach is more Shoeburyness than Bondi but still nice. It was a 10 minute walk from the Grand Prix circuit at Albert Park. It is a great circuit. Most circuits have big run-off areas so it is difficult to get close to the cars as they speed round. Albert Park is a temporary circuit and doesn't have the run-off areas so can get within a few metres of the racing line. I had a 3 day ticket which is cheaper than buying a race day ticket in the UK. As with all motorsport events various companies advertised their goods with beautiful models. Gillette had a shaving tent to advertise their new razor. If you queued up you could be shaved by a model. It struck me as a bit strange, and whilst the anecdote would have been good the models didn't seem to be particularly good at shaving so I decided against it. After qualifying Wolfmother played a concert at the circuit. It was a massive crowd. They were excellent. Afterwards I went to the backstage area where a group of fans gathered and had got the attention of the lead singer who climbed the fence and jumped into the crowd, crowd surfing right by me (click here for the video). On the Saturday night I was out with Team Ireland for St Patrick's Night. Lots of paraletic green people. On raceday the crowd tripled and we were treated to the various area displays. The race itself wasn't the most dramatic of events. Once it finished the fans invaded the circuit. I got round to the paddock area trying to spot any celebs, the Minogues had been on the Pit Walk. I was hanging around when a golf buggy pushed pass with Murray Walker aboard! He does commentary for Australian TV. In the evening I went down to the Crown Casino, the biggest casino in the Southern Hemisphere. Australians and New Zealanders are very proud of having the biggest, tallest, largest something in the Southern Hemisphere. It is all a bit naff. I associate Casinos with people dressed up looking suave and sophisticated, aka Casino Royale. I don't associate it with burnt people in shorts and t-shirts and drunk teenagers. The next day I flew back to Sydney and was standing at the baggage carousel when I realised that Evermore were standing next to me. This wasn't because I recognised them with my musical knowledge, though they didn't look like your normal passenger. It was due to their luggage being stamped with Evermore in massive lettering.

I am back in Sydney at work continuing as a Marketing Co-ordinator. I went to see the Kaiser Chiefs play at a tiny venue during the week. I assumed they would play a big venue for their only night in town. To see them in that size venue in the UK you would have to pay big money. It was a great night. They really rocked out. It was Peanut's birthday so we all got to sing him Happy Birthday.

Before heading off to Adelaide I had a couple of stand-up gigs in Sydney. The first was a tiny audience, typical new act night, which I nailed. A couple of nights later I was performing at a really good night. Wil Anderson was on the bill and it is run by a guy about to make it big time Sam Bowring. I was on first and the MC had done a good job of killing the crowd (he got much much better later). I went on and stormed it, improvised the first part then sailed into my routine. I couldn't ask for more. I got a call from Sam Bowring this week to take a last minute cancellation. I decided to try out some more experimental material which I warned Sam and the MC about. It didn't go well. I can't say I have ever so successfully alienated a crowd within the first 2 minutes. I started OK but then lost the crowd. I then thought I would use some tried and tested stuff in the middle only to find the audience take a deep intake of breath together on the punchline. I have never managed that. I nearly walked by this stage, but I wasn't going to be a coward. I saved it a little towards the end but not by much. The next night I had another Improv gig with Scared Scriptless. There was a massive crowd in who were up for a good night and this lifted the performers. It was certainly the best show I have been involved with them , it was consistently good from start to finish. I couldn't put a foot wrong from start to finish. I had a good team around me who allowed me to push things. I feel like I have moved up through the gears in the past few months. I managed to finish the show serenading a girl who was there for her 21st Birthday. Zero to Hero in 24 hours.

Oz VIII - Week in Sydney

Last week there was heavy rain in Sydney. Rain in Sydney is not that unusual. Heavy rain however seems to produce the same collapse in society as snow does in Southern England. There were floods, car accidents, the traffic system ground to a halt. Yet Australians still refused to wear rain coats. It seems to be unacceptable for an Australian to wear a rain coat. At work all the ex-pats turned up looking suave in their macs the Australians strolled in wet.

As ever lots of things going on in Sydney this week. Last weekend I worked at the Good vibrations festival, it is a big annual dance music festival. I was working on one of the bars with friends of mine from work. It was manic. Nine hours passed in the blink of an eye, the only real break coming when Snoop Dogg was let off the leash. I must have made hundreds of vodka and red bulls. They gave everyone tea spoons to open the cans with. I thought this was slow and wimpy so used my fingers, after half an hour I had cut open both my thumbs and realised why we had been given spoons. The next day I went to Tropfest which is another annual event in the Domain, a short film festival, the biggest in the world. On Tuesday QM2 and QE2 came to town. Sydneysiders love any excuse to hang around the harbour in the sun and the biggest Queen in the world was more than enough reason. As with any event in Sydney this was followed by a spectacular firework display. I had a few days off work so went up to Taronga Zoo. It is a great setting in bushland with view of the harbour and the city. They have a couple of enclosures in the Zoo which you walk through with the animals around you, an Emu is a lot more intimidating without bars.

I continued my soap opera odyssey getting the bus to Palm Beach aka Summer Bay. It is a picturesque spot, far more beautiful then it appears to be on TV. Unfortunately there were no film crews to compliment this beauty or Home & Away stars to stalk. They reckon that the peninsula where Palm Beach sits will eventually be eroded away in 80 years time, so get here quick.

I have continued performing with Scared Scriptless. They are a good bunch of people and get decent audiences to watch. A couple of weeks ago I performed with an apparent legend of Australian TV. She meant nothing to me. She was a presenter of playschool and my friends from work who came to watch were star struck.

Spider watch - after 3 months of living in Australia I finally came across a big spider. The size of my palm. A huntsmen sitting on the ceiling of the bathroom. I decided to leave it alone, someone else decided to kill it after a couple of days. I went to the Australia Museum and they had a giant Funnel Web Spider (the size of a Mini) that moved. I wouldn't fancy coming across a life sized Funnel Web let alone one that was bigger than me. The Palm Beach area was covered in Orb Spiders. Back before Xmas a friend of mine was bitten by a red back spider and rushed to hospital. She was in and out of consciousness and at one point awoke to find 3 doctors trying to inject her with anti-venom at the same time. She said that before she was bitten she was scared of spiders, now she is terrified.

Oz VII - 2 -0 to the Eng-ger-land

Last night was superb. England again outplayed Australia and deservedly won the one-day series. Unlike the previous match I watched at the SCG England could only manage 4 an over run rate and until Collingwood and Flintoff steadied the ship it looked like they might struggle to get to 200. The rain delays seemed to play their part. It was bizarre sitting their under the blazing sun whilst at the same time being rained on.

The crowd was as entertaining as usual. The Australian fans were really giving their own new players stick. In our part of the stand a stand-off emerged over a blow-up Kangaroo with a section of Aussie fans chanting 'chuck the roo', it climaxed in a fight with a meat pie and one guy getting escorted out by the police. The police presence was again very high, it seemed to work as there was only one Mexican wave. I can see the headlines now. I managed to get some satisfaction out of the Loye run out. The run out was not a great moment but the Australian sitting next to me jumped up to cheer and sat down still cheering forgetting his seat had folded up leading to him falling down with his pint all over him, comedy gold. Later on an old woman opened her umbrella when it started to rain for the 6th time and nearly managed to take her husband's eye out, he wasn't impressed.

The Australian innings started well with Gilchrist and Hayden knocking Plunkett and Mahmood round the ground. Yet the wickets started to tumble again. It was great to see the Aussie fans around get quieter and quieter as they realised what happened in the past two matches could be happening again. England looked like they were going to win and the only thing to stop them would be the weather. After a couple of delays it got to the 17th over and it again started to rain. To win the Australian innings had to reach 20 overs. The English players were doing their best to ignore the downpour.

After that England were able to come out after a stunning catch by Dalrymple finished off any lingering Aussie hopes. Me and Jack had moved down next to the boundary rope by this stage and the platoon of the Barmy Army were in full swing with Jimmy Saville leading them. Rain forced the players off again at the 27th over and then after 20 mintues of waiting England were declared the winners of the match and the series. At which point chants of 2-0 started ringing out, the few Australians left followed it up with 5-0. Admittedly they did thrash us in the Ashes, but everyone expected them to win the one-day series easily. They haven't lost a home one-day series in a decade and England haven't won one in Australia since 1987. Currently England are ranked 7th in the world for one-day teams and Australia are 1st. It is a big achievement to win and to win convincingly. Not only that but Ponting and Buchanan have been giving the English team stick for not putting up a strong enough test.

At the end the players came out and celebrated with us in the rain. We were all chanting and you could see how pleased the players were. We were of course surrounded by police because pf the danger that we posed, there was a risk of a Mexican wave or two. Flintoff again bowed down to the Barmy Army as he did at the end of the Ashes and Nixon climbed up the advertising hoardings into the fans. Nixon hung around as the other players drifted off obviously enjoying his moment with England in the limelight.

Super Fred's, Barmy Army, Super Fred's, Barmy Army...now for the World Cup...

Oz VI - Melbourne, Tennis, Neighbours and Cricket

I have been a bit absent minded in updating the blog. I am still a Sydneysider. My work want to keep me on for a while, so I am not sure when I will be moving on from Sydney. I have stopped the second job at the Call Centre because I had enough of abuse from Australians at the cricket let alone having to aggravate people by phoning. I have taken up swimming. There is a pool next to where I work. I have upgraded from the 'Recreation Lane' to the 'Slow Lane'. A one armed guy swam past me the other day. I am not going to be challenging the Thorpedo. The pool is next to the Harbour Bridge and with blue skies above you it is a nice way to relax after work.

The past couple of weeks have been pretty busy. I went to Melbourne to watch the Australian Tennis Open and went to Ramsay Street. I also went to watch the Cricket in Sydney where England finally beat Australia! It was amazing. The England innings was their best this series, ticking along at 5 an over. However, you couldn't help but feel that Australia would steam roller through and get the 291 runs. The one-day crowd is quite different to the Test crowd. There were a lot more drunk loud Australians. They were reminding the England fans of the tour so far and as an England fan there were no comebacks. There weren't really any problems. Although the police were really strict. Mexican waves and beer snakes were banned. Mexican waves were apparently used to throw things so they have been banned. This meant that whenever a drunk bloke jumped up to start a wave it would be followed by a troupe of policeman surrounding that row and dragging them out. A beer snake involves collecting all the empty plastic beer cups and putting them together. Once it has reached a desired length it is held aloft and the crowd cheers. The police then chuck them out. During the Australian innings the beer snakes grew more frequent and it was impressive to see how long people could get them, it takes some organisation. There was a 20 minute period where people stopped watching the cricket and kept cheering giant beer snakes appearing around them. The reason they are banned is that as soon as they are shown to the crowd everyone in the vicinity throws their empties to make the snake even bigger. The Australian innings was brilliant to watch. It was amazing to see Gilchrist go first ball and then Hodge to join him shortly afterwards. Slowly but surely the Aussies got less cocky and the English got louder. The wickets were being smashed to pieces and for once it was great to be an England fan. Afterwards we went to the Captain Cook, popular pub among fans, which got pretty rowdy with England and Australian fans singing. England have even made it into the Tri-Series finals by beating New Zealand. I have a bad feeling that the Australians will exact revenge, Ponting doesn't like to lose.

I was in Melbourne for the last week of the Australian Open. I had tickets to the day session at the Vodafone Arena. I was sitting up in the Gods and got chatting to a random woman. It turned out that her kids were sitting in the first row and there were spare seats so I ended up sitting in the first row for the rest of the day. I headed over to the Rod Laver Arena to see if I could get tickets for the Murray Nadal match. I haven't met so many Scots since Edinburgh. It was impossible to get tickets so I went to watch the first evening match on the big screen with one of the Scottish guys. After the Sharapova match we went back to the Rod Laver Arena and were asking people leaving for their tickets. We got tickets and got to watch the Murray match for free. It was a superb match that last 4 hours and was hugely entertaining. Murray dominated the match and would have won if he could have maintained his intensity. The crowd really got into the contest. The next day I queued for tickets for the Federer Robredo match. I had tickets for the day session in the Rod Laver arena and got to see Sharapova, Hingis, Clijsters and Haas Davedenko. I also queued for the Federer Roddick semi final. It was completely one-sided which was disappointing. It was quite something seeing Federer dismantle Roddick though. The crowd really got on Roddick's side but it didn't make a blind bit of difference.

Melbourne is very different to Sydney. It is doesn't have the same iconic features that Sydney has. I couldn't picture Melbourne before I arrived. It feels much more European than Sydney. The architecture is a mixture of Victorian, modern glass skyscrapers and random crazy stuff. The people look studenty, in Sydney people dress to be beautiful, in Melbourne they dress to be trendy and cool. I decided to do the 12 hour overnight bus from Sydney to Melbourne. I wouldn't recommend it. You leave at 8pm and just as you are getting to sleep you arrive in Canberra. Then as you are getting to sleep again there is a 30minute meal break at 3am in the middle of nowhere. An American guy sat next to me and was a bit over-friendly. When we arrived in Melbourne he took his bags off then started serenading some Japanese girls with his Clarinet. The next evening on the way home from the Tennis I wandered passed him in Fed Square again with his Clarinet out.

Arguably the most exciting thing I did in Melbourne was going to Ramsay Street. It was Australia Day and I tried to think of the most Australian thing I could do. My credentials as a Neighbours fan are damaged by the fact that I haven't watched it since leaving the UK. I have seen two adverts for it on TV which have characters I don't recognise. There is a Neighbours office in Melbourne where they pick you up. There you meet a star, our star was Libby (Kim Valentine). I tried to be cool and asked her about her 'music'. She looked at me strangely and asked what music, I said I thought she was in a band. She said oh no I stopped that ages ago. A wonderful star anecdote some might say, an indication don't try to be down with it. Most people got their photos taken with her, there were others who were completely star struck by the occasion and hung back taking photos from afar as if they were in a zoo. We then boarded the Neighbours bus (it was covered in Neighbours logos) and drove to Erinsborough. They put an old episode on the TV. Our first stop was Erinsborough High. There were a couple of Australian teenagers trying to be too cool for school about it all. I committed to the naffness very easily. I wandered around Erinsborough wide-eyed and got my picture taken with the sign. We then drove passed the studios to Ramsay St. Ramsay St is much smaller than you imagine it to be. It is weird to walk around it because having seen it so much on TV you feel like you know it. I made sure I got my pictures with the Ramsay St sign. When I got back from Melbourne I went to the Neighbours night in Sydney. The Neighbours night involves 3 stars answering questions then wandering round the crowd getting their photos taken. It was packed with over 200 backpackers. The stars for the night were Toadie, Boyd, Janae and Lana. When you enter they ask you to write down questions for the stars. I made the school boy error of asking a serious question for Janae (were you intimidated when you joined the cast), all the other questions were who would you kill, who would you sleep with, why are you fat. For some reason they choose to ask my question as well. The stars toured the tables and we got our photos taken. Janae was first round. Lana was their because they are friends and she was hovering around the bar seemingly embarrassed that no one was having their photo taken with her, so I dived in. Boyd was next and it turns out he is 19 and a short-arse. He is possibly 4ft 6. He seemed to be a very nice guy. The final one round was Toadie who was the hit of the night. The rest of the night consists of dodgy Club 18-30 style games and a lacklustre trivia quiz.

There was a 'special' guy wandering around the crowd. He was wearing a Neighbours t-shirt and had a photo album. We assumed that he was one of the organisers. He introduced himself to our table and it turned out this was his 38th consecutive Neighbours night. He has pictures with all the stars in his album and photos when he has gone to Ramsay St. The pictures document his decline. He looks quite normal at the start. By the end he has dodgy bleached hair (and bleached eyebrows). Apparently he gets in each night for free. I wonder whether the organisers do this to warn people of the dangers of Neighbours addiction. A warning I took to heart. Although if Dr Karl or Paul Robinson come to town then I will be there with bells on. I did randomly bump into a girl from the year above me at 6th form, turns out she works with the weirdo.

Sydney Fireworks

Sydney Fireworks

Fireworks Sydney

Fireworks Sydney

Oz V - Ashes to Ashes

England were finally put out of their misery. I really enjoyed being there but on the 3rd Day when Warne was knocking England around the park you started to feel like it was again going away from England. Then when the top-order fell apart you knew it was all over. There was some hope on the morning of the 4th Day that Pieterson might be able to put some runs on. When he got out with the 2nd ball of the day the atmosphere among England fans dropped. Luckily this didn't last long and the Barmy Army got singing again. It was good to be there to see McGrath, Warne and Langer retire. It worked perfectly for their retirement, with McGrath getting the last wicket, Warne taking the game out of England's reach, and Langer hitting the winning runs with Hayden.

The Barmy Army have received a bad press (see the article on the BBC website). In all of the speeches after the match the England and Australian players referenced the Barmy Army and thanked them for their support. The England went over to the Barmy Army and Flintoff bowed down infront of them. The Barmy Army applauded the Australian team when they came round on their victory lap and applauded all of the players retiring. In the Barmy Army magazine it says that their purpose is not to abuse opposition players and to support England through thick and thin. Hoggard has says he really appreciates the support, and whenever Monty was fielding infront of the Army he was encouraging them to chant. I think alot of the chants are very funny, with tongue firmly in cheek. One about Warne is to the tune of "My old man's a dustman" with the line "and when he lost his hair he also lost his wife". There is a chant where the people on the right stand up and say "we are the right, over here", the middle stand up and say "we are the middle, over here", the left stand up and say "we are the left, over here" then everyone stand ups and says "you are the convicts, over there". The video of the guy with the flag is the signature Barmy Army chant. The guy who leads it is called Jimmy (because he looks like Jimmy Saville). People chant "Jimmy, Jimmy give us a song" and when he does decide to lead the song everyone chants "He's only got one song". The chant of "Barmy Army" lasts until England get a wicket and then it becomes "Barmy Wicket". On the last two days a favourite song was "Living on a prayer" and "Let's all have a DISCO". On the last day they went through every England player fielding getting them to wave. They then went got the policeman to wave, the umpires and Langer, the only person who didn't wave was Hayden. Hayden did wave to the Army when he came round in the victory lap. In the Barmy Army magazine it says that they have more fun at the cricket than anyone else even when England lose. I would agree and enjoyed sitting with them. At times the support from the England fans did seem to add to what was happening on the field. On the third day Lee was bowling to Collingwood. In the follow through Lee made to throw the ball at Collingwood which drew a big reaction from the crowd. When Lee went back to bowl the next ball the England fans all started making noise, he waited, he then bowled and Collingwood hit it for four and the same for the next ball. Lee was then withdrawn from the attack. Admittedly Collingwood didn't survive much longer, but it was a nice moment. Also on the 3rd Day Symonds made a massive appeal for lbw against Pieterson, after that the Barmy Army yelled "Howzat" for all of Symonds deliveries.

I went to the Star City Casino after the 4th Day. When I was walking in I bumped into Steve Harmison walking out of the apartments entrance. I looked at him, thought he looks sun burnt, then realised who it was, he looked at me realised that I knew who he was and avoided my eye contact. I grinned inanely at him and carried on walking. I was tempted to say something to him but couldn't think of anything that would be worth saying after being thrashed 5-0 and various commentators criticising your contribution.

Ashes test SCG Barmy Army

Ashes test SCG Barmy Army

Barmy Army at the SCG

Day 2

New Year's Fireworks Sydney

Fireworks Sydney

Oz IV - 2006 Done and Dusted

I spent New Year's Eve watching the fireworks in Sydney Harbour. It was amazing. I took a few photos and some film and they really don't do the displays justice. There were two displays, one at 9pm and one at midnight. The 9pm display used some graphics on the bridge (a question mark and a coat hanger) the fireworks were from the barges in the harbour and from Darling Harbour. It lasted about 10 minutes. The midnight display was even more spectacular. There were the fireworks on the barges, fireworks from the tops of the skyscrapers in the City centre, and the trademark fireworks on the bridge. It lasted about 15 minutes. They were hugely entertaining and were supported by cheers and applause from the crowd. I was sitting at McMahons point to the North-West of the bridge. I had a view of the bridge square on to my left, I could see the fireworks from the barge the other side of the bridge, the Opera House under the bridge, the skyscrapers infront of me, a fireworks barge infront, Darling Harbour beyond that, and fireworks further down to my right. I got there at midday and sat there for 12 hours. Luckily the weather held, there were predictions of thunderstorms beforehand. I ended up joining a picnic. The number of people in the area was amazing. By 8pm it was packed. Blues Point next to McMahons Point was crazy. When you tried to walk down there you were just moved in a river of people, mainly consisting of paraletic 15-19 year olds. The police closed of the area. Where I was sitting everyone stayed seated and I had plenty of space with a couple of Australians I had joined for the evening (I managed to join in on their New Year's Eve picnic). The patriotism of the young drunk Australians showed with them chanting 'Aussie, Aussie, Aussie' towards the end of the fireworks. I don't think you would get that in the UK outside of sporting events.

I was on Bondi Beach for Christmas Day. It was a peculiar way to spend Christmas. I have never seen so many Santa hats in one place. In the evening I went to a friend of mine for a BBQ to complete the stereotyped Australian Christmas. During the week I sat in the sun watching the cricket on the big screens spread around the city and going to the beach. I fought it out in the sales to buy some shorts. Sydneysiders don't appear to take pre-Christmas shopping particularly seriously, whereas they attack the sales. Over the festive period news broadcasts have always referred to the Christmas road death toll. Whenever there was a road death anywhere in the country they reported it and then showed a scorecard of how many deaths there had been in each state. I think it got to about 25 in total. They also go into morbid detail, one report stating that the police couldn't identify the body because it had been so badly burnt. I am not sure why they concentrate on road deaths at this time of year more than any other. They didn't display statistics to compare these two weeks of the year with others. Apparently it is a Christmas tradition.

On New Year's Day I went to see the Barmy Army play the Fanatics (Australian cricket fans equivalent) in a charity match at the Coogee Oval. It was a great atmosphere. There were about 500 fans and 90 percent of those were English. The banter and chanting was very funny. They had a news reporter at the event and the fans kept putting him off. Unfortunately hopes of at least one English win this summer proved short lived. The Fanatics trounced the Barmy Army. I think this was partly to do with the Fanatics taking the cricket suspiciously seriously. Their players looked athletic, whereas the Barmy Army players looked like they were pregnant.

I managed to get into the second day of the Ashes test in Sydney today. It was superb. I went with a couple of guys from the Kiwi trip. We were sitting with the Barmy Army for the last hour and had a great time with the chanting. I have managed to get tickets for the third and fourth days.

Oz III - Silly Season

It is only 3 days until Christmas and I feel the least Christmasy possible. For starters looking out the window I am gazing over a bright sunny day . The weather hasn't been brilliant for the past couple of weeks (and Christmas day could be overcast) but even when it rains it is still warm. I associated Christmas with dark days and cold weather. There are Christmas decorations but these are few and far between. I don't have a TV so haven't seen any Christmas specials or Christmas adverts. I haven't been inside many shopping centres. I have heard a handful of Christmas songs and as yet have not heard 'Merry Christmas Everybody' by Slade. I haven't had an advent calendar. I haven't had any mulled wine to drink. I haven't seen buildings covered in Christmas lights. I have eaten one mince pie and it wasn't what I would describe as a traditional mince pie. I haven't had to defrost my car and then watch the windscreen freeze halfway down the road. Also for some reason Australians call this time of year the 'Silly season' or the 'Holiday season'. This isn't to suggest I am having a bad time. Its just not Christmas.

I moved out of the gay impersonator's house to a converted mansion in Bondi Junction. It is very much like University living. I have a sink and fridge in my room. The bathroom and showers are communal and so is the kitchen. 35 people live in the mansion, young and old. I moved in at the weekend and have so far met lots of English and Irish backpackers. I can see the Pacific Ocean from outside my door. The area is nice with good transport links. My two jobs have ticked along to the Christmas break. The call centre job got much better after the first two weeks. I got to know alot more people there and how far you were allowed to bend the 'rules'. The 9-5 job has worked out very. The telemarketing finished last week and I have been kept on into this week entering the data from the research. I then coming back for the middle two weeks in January to do some more work towards their marketing plan. The first week of Jan I will spend watching the final Ashes test (I have managed to get a ticket for the 4th day, hopefully England last that long) and the final week of Jan I'm going to go to Melbourne and catch some of the Australian Tennis Open.

I got in contact with the Sydney Comedy Store (www.comedystore.com.au) and performed their last week. The gig went very well. The audience were in good spirits, lots of Christmas parties, and the other acts were good. I got another gig there on Tuesday night. I was a bit nervous beforehand because I didn't want to spoil my good work from the week before. The audience were much less forgiving than the week before and the acts on before me were struggling, if not dying. I managed to do an even better job than last week. I will hopefully have a couple more gigs there in January. I have also performed with the local short-form improv troupe, Scared Scriptless (scriptless.improaustralia.com.au). They are a really nice bunch of people. One of the guys remembers me from coming to watch the Imps in Oxford a couple of years ago. The show itself was a bit awkward. It was a big Christmas Micetro show with a cast of 20 and multiple hosts. It meant it didn't really work well until the end. I am looking forward to performing with them again in the New Year.

Oz II - At the Coal Face

I am not suggesting that I am a northener covered in soot working to bring a loaf of hovis up a cobbled hill with five kids all wanting their bread and dripping, and a wife who wants a new pair of stockings, but I am working hard. Today was my first day off in two whole weeks. Admittedly I haven't worked for 4 and a half months prior to that but I said I would work when I got to Sydney and true to my word I am doing that. The call centre telemarketing job has been a bit of a rollercoaster, at times I want to glass a supervisor and other times I am bored. In fairness it isn't a bad job. All you do is sit at a desk and dial numbers, if you get through to someone you give them the pitch if they don't hang up or abuse you (or sound like they are going to die) then you ask them some questions. It isn't exactly rocket science. What really grates me about the job is the rudeness of the supervisors. I hate people being rude, especially to me. I hate it when people patronise me and treat me like a child. I do childish things and I am incompetent but so is Des O'Connor and people don't patronise him. On Saturday one of the supervisors had obviously had a bad night because he was constantly dragging people into the office for appraisals. Appraisals in telemarketing call centres are warnings, you do it again you are out. I could accept this but what I find unacceptable is that the supervisor was yelling at these people. It was as if he was the teacher and we were the naughty children. Man management is appallingly poor. If they treated people with some level of respect then they might have a lower staff turnover. The other job is much better. We are treated as peers and left to our own devices. I get to pretend that I am important and they tell me I am doing a good job, plus I get to look out of the window at the Harbour bridge.

So far my living arrangements are proving to be dull. I assumed moving in with a gay female impersonator would give me stories that could fill a novel. I have got to say that for situation comedy it has proved to be non-existent. We don't really see each other that much, when we do he tells me how muich money he has earnt for an hour's work and I try and say something before he cuts me off and talks about something else. I am amazed about how difficult it is to have a conversation with him. He talks about what he wants to talk about. He leaves spaces for you to comment but doesn't react to what you have to say. I am tempted to started unleashing controversial and offensive comments at him and see if that makes him actually listen.

My boss from Rayleigh is also a Spurs fan. He took me along to Oz Spurs last night. It has a group of Spurs fan in Australia (does exactly what it says on the tin). We were in a random sports bar in town to watch the North London Derby. There were about 40 spurs fans. 

Weather update - the weather has continued to be completely random. In the past couple of weeks it has been 35C and as low as 10C. There has been thick fog, massive thunderstorms, and heavy rain, not to mention overcast chilly days. I wouldn't want to be a moaning pom, but the idea that Sydney is blue skies and barmy tempatures everyday isn't accurate. Needless to say its a hell of alot better than the UK, I get more than 7 hours sunshine a day! It doesn't feel like I am coming to the end of 2006 because normally the end of the year is marked by dark days. One of the objectives of the tour has been chasing the sun. I am going to need to find a job where I can justify living in each hemisphere across the year for long sunny days.

Oz I - Sydney, Lucky Number Steve

I am in Sydney. I arrived here a couple of weeks ago on the 8th November. Since then I have been rushing around getting myself sorted out for a long stay. A number of backpackers I know from my New Zealand travels don't like Sydney. It is because when you have been travelling for a while without any normal life stress arriving in a big city having to find work and accommodation isn't the most fun thing to do. Sydney attracts backpackers like flies this time of year and this means accommodation and work are in short supply. A group of girls I know from New Zealand were here for 2 weeks and were unable to get work or accommodation and have left to head up the East Coast and try their luck in Brisbane.

10th November - Sydney

Lots of people say that there is plenty of work in Sydney but when you are actually applying for jobs you discover that that isn't necessarily the case. There may be lots of signs in shop windows asking for staff but that doesn't mean that they want non-resident Australians for the jobs. There may be bars with staff telling you that they are looking for casual staff but that doesn't mean they ever get back to you. Finding a job here is a frustrating business. Not only that but the hostels are continually fully booked and over the Christmas and New Year period they are completely booked up. I arrived in Sydney and a few nights booked in the Wakeup! hostel. It is a really big hostel. I went up to my room and was met by the '506 crew'. The '506 crew' were a friendly bunch of boys from England, Scotland and Ireland. So friendly infact that upon my arrival they showed me pictures of all the girls they had pulled and pictures of them pulling them. Plus when the door to the room was open and a couple of girls walked passed, they jumped up running over to them yelling "Good looking girls there is a party in 506". New to town I laughed at their muppet ways and went out for the night with a pal from New Zealand. I returned about midnight and went to bed. About 2am one of the 506 crew returned with a girl waking me up, the rest of the crew then returned and decided to play football in the room whilst taking photos of their mate and the girl. Needless to say I was not a happy bunny. The next day I went about town getting my aussie mobile phone, bank account, medicare card, tax number, and paper working visa.

My luck kicked in when my parents arrived that evening. They are on a tour of Oz for their wedding anniversary. If they hadn't arrived I may have been stuck in setting up my life in Sydney frustration. However, not only was I glad to see them after 4 months I was also able to enjoy eating in restaurants and doing tourists things, which meant I was able to enjoy Sydney. We went out to Manley on the ferry, hired a car and went to the Blue Mountains (truly picturesque), did the Harbour Bridge Climb, had cocktails in the revolving restaurant at the top of the Sydney Tower, and generally enjoyed the city. Wherever we went my parents would ask the staff whether there was any vacancies and how the member of staff got their job. Whilst embarrassing it did become a game of predicting when they would ask the member of staff. It is also the right attitude to have when you are new to town and looking for work ASAP. Not only was I lucky enough to have my parents in town for 5 days but a couple of days after they left my Aunt arrived in town with a friend of the family from Perth for 3 days. On one particular evening we had dinner at the opulent Sydney Cafe, with views over Circular Quay, where the creme de la creme of Sydney snobs hang out, it was very nice.

As I have already said finding a job isn't easy. Many people would assume that those who don't find work are lazy when looking for work. In some cases this is true. However, the girls I know from New Zealand aren't lazy. If you get a job a measure of luck is involved. I spent three solid days applying for jobs online and walking the streets handing CVS in. I did not get any responses to these overtures (apart from some rejections in the past 2 days to some online applications) I have, however, managed to acquire 2 jobs. The first job is telemarketing. It is cold calling, telephone headset, boredom. However, it pays well and beats working at a coal face. The second job is telemarketing again but much more sophisticated. For starters it is in an office where you can get up and have a chat, go and make a cup of tea, and where your opinion is listened to and appreciated (at least the boss lets you think this). The pay is excellent and the view from the office overlooks the harbour bridge. At lunchtime I sit next to the bridge eating my sandwich looking at the Opera House, its a hard knock life. When I went for the interview for the second job it was going very well and I thought I had it nailed on. Towards the end of the interview the boss asked to look at my CV. He then said "So you're a FitzWimarc boy then", Fitz is my secondary school and only someone local would have ever heard of it. It turned out he went to Sweyne, the other secondary school in town. He spent his childhood in Rayleigh and emigrated in his mid-twenties. I haven't met anyone on my travels from Rayleigh. I don't know what the odds are on travelling to the other side of the world to work for someone from your home town. I would get rid of the first job (and I may still do if I can't handle the boredom) but the second job only lasts for 3 weeks or so and as we have already established getting a job in Sydney isn't the easiest thing to do.

Once I got work sorted out I then hunted for accommodation. I viewed a few places, some pretty dodgy and some pretty crowded, but ended up finding a place in North Sydney (the other side of the Harbour) in Neutral Bay. I am living with a middle-aged gay impersonator. It is a bit random. It has chandeliers in the hallway and lounge. It is clean and I get my own room. However, there isn't a TV. I only realised this after I moved in. I was also given the impression by the landlord that he would beable to line me up with some comedy/acting gigs. Since I have moved in talk of this has dried up. The location is great for second job, it is a half an hour walk down a hill with a view of the Harbour Bridge every morning.

The weather in Sydney has been changeable to say the least. Since I have been here they have had the coldest day in November for 100 years and the hottest (38'C) in forty years. When its hot it is really hot, the wind feels like an oven door has been opened. The humidity means that the heat lasts right into the night. It is going to be interesting to see what it is like once we get into the summer, it was 45'C last Christmas.

New Zealand X - Christchurch

I was lucky enough to stay in Christchurch with some pals of Ralph (mate who I stayed with in Wellington). Considering that they had never met me before they were ridiculously hospitable and friendly. It made a great base for me to enjoy my stay in Christchurch. Not only did Ralph line up a place for me to stay but he also lined up a gig for me with the Court Jesters www.courtjesters.co.nz - Christchurch's premier improv troupe. I arrived on Thursday night and performed with them on Friday night. They have got a great theatre space and have built a strong audience following (for the show I was in it was an audience of 160+). They have a number of very experienced and talented performers, whilst at the same time bringing through new talent. I was impressed by their professionalism. I only met them an hour before the performance which wasn't the best preparation for a show. It was fun to be back playing short-form. I was a touch nervous beforehand as I was going in cold and only there based on Ralph's reputation. I think I did a pretty good job in the circumstances. I nailed one particular scene and people seemed pretty happy with the show in general. Quite a few people I had met along the backpacker route came along to watch and enjoyed the show. I also taught a workshop for them on the following Tuesday. I decided to teach the Improv Olympic Harold and concentrate on openings and games. The Jester's seemed to find it all quite bizarre, not surprising as they had never seen an iO Harold before. I wanted to teach them something completely different and show them what other things are going on in the world of improv. I think they enjoyed it and we covered a lot of topics so there should be at least a few things for them to take away from it. If you are in Christchurch on a Friday night make sure you go along and see their show it is well worth it.

I really liked Christchurch as a city. It is said to be the most English city in New Zealand and in many ways it is. There is a river running through the city centre, which is pretty, and there are big parks and old buildings. In the evenings Christchuch really reminded me of Essex with cruisers in their modified cars pounding the streets, drunk youths fighting, lads in stripey shirts and jackets, and ladies wearing very little. The weather was great during my stay (I was even able to get the shorts out), it set the city off nicely. Jarv (one of the guys I was staying with) was kind enough to drive me down to the Banks Peninsula (south of Christchurch) and to Akoroa a picturesque town in a sheltered bay (the French part of New Zealand).

Ralph came down to Christchurch for the weekend and drove me up to Waikari, his home town. I stayed at his parents place. Unfortunately the clouds rolled in, so while it is meant to be surrounded by snowcapped mountains I can't corroborate this. We drove to Hanmer Springs and spent an afternoon relaxing in the spa pools (its a hard knock life).

New Zealand IX - On my God I can't believe it I have never been this far away from home

1st November - Mountains enroute to Milford Sound

I spent a few days in Queenstown and then got on the Bottom Bus trip around the tip of the South Island. It is the furthest you can get from Blighty without heading to the Antarctic. It was similar to the Eastas trip I did on the North Island. However, a big difference was that a group of people from the bus I was on into Queenstown also came on this trip. It was a quiet trip after the frolics of the West Coast but it was enjoyable. The weather was cold, rainy and windy for most of it which didn't help. The first stop was Dunedin. Dunedin was modelled on Edinburgh and is known as the most Scottish city outside of Scotland. It lived up to it with overcast skies and grey buildings. There were some nice parts to it, but it didn't capture my imagination. We went out in the evening and couldn't find anywhere even remotely busy, it was a Sunday night and it was raining. The next day we headed down through the Catlins to Curio Bay. We had a series of walks off the bus to see different things. It was OK but again the weather made getting off the bus not particularly pleasant. When we arrived at Curio Bay the weather improved and I went on a good guided walk around the area. The guide showed us how to make a bouncy ball from seaweed, a plant that tasted of celery, natural insect repellent and nearly led us into a Sea Lion hiding amongst the bushes. We also had a look around a petrified forest. In the evening we went down to the petrified forest and watched yellow-eyed penguins coming back to their nests. The next morning we stopped to make a paua shell necklace and had breakfast in Invercargill (the Southern most city in the Commonwealth). We then spent a couple of hours on a farm where we fed a lamb, watched sheep being rustled and sheared a sheep. I had a go at shearing and was surprised by how docile the sheep was, I expected to jump about but it was just lying their thinking of New Zealand. The nice thing about the farm excursion was that the guides were real farmers and not just tourist guides, they weren't particularly good at public speaking but they were the real deal. The overnight stop was at Te Anau. It is on a massive lake which makes for another pretty view.

The next morning we were picked up for the day trip to Milford Sound. It was a great trip. The weather was perfect, blue skies with a few clouds. The driver was a really fun guy called Jason. The drive to Milford from Te Anau and then back via Te Anau to Queenstown has to be one of the most beautiful in the world. It was stunning driving past snow-capped mountain ranges. The ferry trip on the Sound itself was very good. It wasn't particularly busy so we were able to enjoy the views. Underwater World was a bit pointless, but it was included in the ticket. You may not have heard of Milford Sound but you will recognise it from all of the tourist brochures and adverts for New Zealand. Once we got back to Queenstown we met up with some people who had stayed there for longer and again went to Altitude and World Bar.

New Zealand VIII - Queenstown

26th October - Queenstown with the Remarkables in the background

Queenstown is the Bemuda Triangle of the New Zealand backpacker circuit. People get drawn in and never leave. It is set in an amazing location, on the side of a huge lake with snowcapped mountains surrounding it, a great nightlife, and masses of activities. By the same token Queenstown itself is not a pretty place. It feels like a naff alpine village. The buildings have been thrown together without any consideration of how they might look together. In saying that Queenstown does have a certain charm to it. I really enjoyed my stay there. It is a great place to catch up with people you have met earlier in your travels. I spent most of my time going out in the evening and recovering the next day.

The luge is the best value activity that you can do while in New Zealand. There is one in Rotorua and one in Queenstown. Concrete tracks snake down the side of the mountain and you race down them in plastic go-karts. It is amazing fun with a group of you going down the track together. I did it in Rotorua and twice in Queenstown. On the second day in Queenstown we were getting pretty aggressive with our blocking tactics on each other, ramming one another into the walls. In the penultimate race Chris managed to ram my kart so hard into the wall that I ended up rolling it. I only grazed my wrist and bumped my head, but apparently my facer mid-roll was a picture. I am hoping that someone builds a track in the UK. I also climbed Queenstown Hill which doesn't sound particularly impressive, however, if this hill was in the UK it would be a mountain. The climb is steep but worth it for the great views.

I stayed at Discovery Lodge for my first couple of nights in Queenstown. It is OK but expensive and the kitchen isn't great. The price is supposedly justified by the central location but Queenstown isn't a big place. I moved to Alpine Lodge, which was about a 5 minute walk from the centre, and much cheaper. It felt homely and had a good lounge and kitchen. Alpine Lodge isn't listed in the Lonely Planet Guide which I thought was a bit strange (I heard about it from other travellers). I chatted to the guy who runs it and he told me that Lonely Planet have sold out. They have a deal with the VIP backpackers chain to promote those hostels above all others. Not only do they promote the VIP hostels but they fail to list other hostels in places at times. Apparently the Rough Guide hasn't sold out.

New Zealand VII - Curiousity killed the cat

25th October - Me jumping off the Kawarau Bridge Queenstown the first commercial bungy site.

New Zealand VI - Skydive Hellos

24th October - Fox Glacier Skydive Hellos

New Zealand V - Action Man

A title like action man gives indications of grandeur that I don't deserve but it does cover the past couple of days quite well. Yesterday I jumped off a bridge, the day before last I jumped out of a plane and the day before that I hiked up a glacier. James Bond eat your heart out. I did the skydive at Fox glacier. It is in the Southern Alps. When you jump from 12,000ft you are jumping level with Mt Cook (the highest mountain in New Zealand). It is known as the most scenic skydive in New Zealand if not the world. Obviously I didn't enjoy jumping from a plane last time so it may seem strange that I did it again. I bumped into a few of the girls who did the skydive with me at Taupo here in Queenstown and they were surprised that I did it again. I decided to do it again before the fear would stop me doing it again. I wanted to see what everyone else enjoyed and I found terrifying. It also seemed like the place to do a skydive. We were picked up from the hostel at 6am and driven to the airfield. The operation in Fox is on much smaller scale than Taupo. There were a couple of portacabins, 3 tandem instructors and a plane that could only fit 2 jumpers in at a time. However, this meant it was a much more personalised experience than at Taupo. Taupo felt like a conveyor belt in comparison. They go through the jump routine on the ground before boarding the plane and film it all if you have paid for a DVD. I did due to my Aunt giving me the money to cover it. I was pretty nervous on the ground waiting around for my turn. Once I got into the plane I started to get really nervous because I knew what was going to happen next. They let you take your camera in the plane and on the skydive with you, which is very unusual, so I was taking lots of snaps as we flew up into the mountains and over the glacier. It was getting a bit uncomfortable in the plane as we got over the mountains and hit turbulence. My instructor then went over the skydive procedure with me again, "The door is going to open, Anish (mate from the bus) and Mel (the other instructor) are going to perform a magic trick, they are going to disappear. We are then going to slide to the door I will put my foot out and then you will hang your feet over the edge, smile at the camera (there is a wing mounted camera), fold your arms and then we will tumble out of the plane...". At this point I nearly freaked out, I controlled myself by telling myself that I was James Bond. Now it may seem daft but mantras are an improv technique and useful for tricking the mind. I don't know if it is in the skydiving manual but it should be added. Anish and Mel performed the magic trick (has to be seen to be believed) and we slid to the edge. I smiled at the camera and then dropped. I was terrified. They film the dive by having a camera mounted to the instructor's arm, so it means it is with you the whole way. My scream in the fall out of the plane can be heard above the wind noise and my expression is priceless. Unlike the first dive once we stopped rolling and got into the freefall position I relaxed and enjoyed it. I was able to take in what was around me and wave at the camera. The parachute opened, which was again scary and then we started to float around. I thought it was brilliant. It is amazingly peaceful and quiet when the parachute has opened. I got my camera out and took a few photos. While we were floating around rather than leave you in the standing position they get you to lift your legs up and then move the straps around so that you are sitting. For the landing you raise your legs and come sliding in across a field. When we did it the parachute collapsed over us for the perfect ending. A backpacker bus then drove passed honking its horn and I was pretty pleased with myself. My tandem instructor, Greg, was great throughout giving me lots of information about what was going on and what I was looking at (although he did burp in my ear after the parachute opened).

Yesterday I did a bungy jump. I hadn't planned to do a bungy before arriving in New Zealand. While I have been here people have spoken about it and I became curious about it. However, I still didn't fancy it. I had heard too many stories of people putting their backs out, and bursting blood vessels in their eyes. I also thought it would be unlikely that I would enjoy it. Chris' philosophy has been that he wouldn't be let back into England if he didn't do a bungy (I considered this to be rubbish) but by the same token bungy is Queenstown. I also thought if I did it then there would be no way anyone could have any comebacks on me. I was still umming and arring about it on the day the Kiwi bus would be stopping at Kawarau bridge (the first commercial bungy jump). I had a chat with the driver, Buzz (he has done over 30 jumps and he has eaten a few pies in his time), and he said once I arrived I could watch the film see how safe it was and do it. In the meantime he would put my name down for it. We arrived and watched the 'Secrets of Bungy' film. It did not even mention any safety issues. I went outside and watched someone do it and decided I would do it. I paid my money and no safety issues were mentioned. I then had to sign a disclaimer, I read all the terms and conditions and the woman behind the desk commented, "We've got a reader". They weighed me and then said walk up to the bridge. I walked along and chatted to Buzz, who was giving words of encouragement. Chris and a few others from the bus were also there. I then put on the safety harness around the waist and the guy asked if I wanted to be dunked, I said no. I sat on the edge of the platform waiting to go. Dave from the bus was ahead of me. When he got to the edge of the plank he nearly bottled it, he was holding on to the edge and kept grabbing the instructor's hand. I then sat on the platform to be fitted up with the bungy. Now you may expect it to be an extremely technical business attaching an elastic band to your legs. It isn't. They wrap a bath towel around your legs, below your knees. They then put a normal velcro strip around the outside of the towel once. Between you legs they wrap a cord around the towel and velcro which has a bracket on the end to attach to the bungy. No one had given me a safety talk at this stage and my safety harness was loose around my waist. I asked the woman instructor if it needed to be tightened and she said no. She asked me if I wanted to be dunked, I said no, she tried to persuade me otherwise, and I said ok to a hand touch. She said she couldn't guarantee I wouldn't get dunked, I would need to do a big jump out to avoid getting dunked. I asked her about the dunking and she said you need to hit the water with the crown of your head with your arms together and not your face. Buzz had told a story of a friend of his who hit the water with his face and ended up with a couple of black eyes. I sat on the platform for what seemed an eternity. The woman called me up and I shuffled to the edge of the plank. At this point I suddenly realised I was going to jump off a bridge and I didn't want to do it. I again used the James Bond mantra and planned to do a swan dive (aka the Bond dive off the dam, lots of the english boys attempt this). She told me to wave at the camera. On the left is a big viewing platform with lots of tourists and the guys off the Kiwi bus, so I played the crowd a bit and got them to make some noise. She started the countdown "5,4,3,2,1" and I jumped. While she was counting down Chris yelled, "I'll tell your Mum you love her". My jump wasn't as good as Pierce Brosnan's to say the least. The moment you go is terrifying. I as ever yelled Ahhhh loudly. It didn't feel like the bungy slowed me down and before I knew it I had hit the water (I managed to get my upper body dunked) and was flying back up again. The bit in the middle I found really uncomfortable because you don't know where you are, you are bouncing and falling in mid-air. I got on the raft at the bottom and felt pretty shaken up. I had jarred the left side of my body and was a bit wet but apart from that perfectly fine. I am a bit achy though a couple of days later. I am glad I did it and am now on par with everyone else. I am proud of myself for doing it but I can't say I enjoyed it. In the 'Secrets of Bungy' film they say that it is all in the head, it is about forcing yourself to go against your natural instinct.

The day before the skydive we stayed in Franz Josef and did a glacier hike. It was pretty amazing hiking up into the glacier. It felt a completely alien environment. Franz Josef itself is a small place. It is there for the glacier, if you aren't interested in enjoying the scenery or climbing a glacier than don't bother visiting. We stayed at the Rainforest Retreat which was a very good hostel. The kitchen was big and well equipped. There was a big hot tub which came in handy after the hikes and the bar was good.

One of the Kiwi Experience traditions is stopping at Lake Mahinapua at the Mahinapua Hotel for a fancy dress party. The Hotel is in the middle of nowhere. Inside the walls are lined with group photos of past buses and hats of all descriptions hang from the ceiling. The man who runs it is an 81 year old called Les. The theme for our party was bin liners and I decided to go as a sheep. Ben, who won the fancy dress competition, went as a spider (with legs), and Matt (from Maldon) had a wedding dress. It was a really good night. Accommodation wise you stay in portacabins that have a bad smell of damp, but don't let you put that off the party makes it worthwhile. I discovered at the party that a group of girls on the bus had given me the nickname Jarvis (as in Jarvis Cocker) and I am now known generally as Jarv (it hasn't got anything to do with my singing abilities).

The stop before Lake Mahinapua was at Westport. We stayed at Bazils which was a converted home, this meant the dorms were really small and the kitchen facilities were excellent. Westport was a small place but with a nice character. I wandered down to the mouth of the Buller River and had an amazing view down the beach with mountains in the distance. In the afternoon I went jet boating on the Buller River. It was great fun. The boat glides over the water with two chevy's under the bonnet. We went up the river one way at 40mph with a few turns and rock passes. On the way back we went at full speed 65mph doing spins and high speed turns. If you don't want to get soaked, don't sit in the back corner where I was.

The first stop on the south island was Nelson. Nelson is the sunniest place in New Zealand and it showed. It was really pretty and the town had a lot of character. I climbed to the top of a hill to stand on the centre of New Zealand and get some great views. We stayed at the Prince Albert, which is a posh pub with a hostel attached. The rooms were nice and the bathrooms were excellent, though the kitchen was a bit small.

The trip down from Wellington has been brilliant. The driver, Buzz, has been very informative and helpful. I have got on well with the people on the bus and had a good time in all the places we have stopped. I have also done some superb activities.